Episode 27: As a Tenant, Having an Awkward Conversation With Your Landlord

Summary

Tenants are often emotional about their home, and understandably so.  When you are talking with your landlord, the power in awkward conversations is speaking in facts.  What would you talk about with your landlord?  Really could be anything but we explore the difference in an on-going problem versus a one-time event.  Then, what happens at the breaking point? All of this, knowing we have to speak in facts, in today's episode of My Life As a Landlord.

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Full Episode Transcription

Welcome to My Life as a Landlord, where we untangle all things housing and educate the curious. If

you're looking for some entertainment with some honest, awkward conversations, you've come to the

right show. I'm your host, Dr. Jennifer Salisbury. This is my life as a landlord. Welcome to it.

Welcome, welcome. So happy to have you. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am Dr. Jen,

your host, your rental coach, and for those of you new to the podcast, we have five predictable rotating

topics one each week, and they are published on Saturday either in Spotify, Apple Podcast, or whatever

program you're using to listen to me. Thank you so much for joining My Life as a Landlord. I am super

happy you are here. Episode 27. The topic is tenant perspective and the episode Awkward Conversations

with Your Landlord. Oh, I love awkward conversations. Truly, when you get through awkward

conversations, you feel like a whole weight is lifted off your shoulders. My goodness. Awkward

conversations do not get better with age. They do not get better with time. In fact, the longer you put off

that awkward conversation, whether you're a tenant or a landlord or an employee or an employer,

whatever your role is, you've got to have that awkward conversation. You cannot let it wait. Because

what happens is the issue that you're having that awkward conversation about with yourself, it grows in

your mind. You start to loop. You get sleepless. You might get anxiety. It grows. And having that

awkward conversation, you go into all these what if scenarios. And as a tenant, knowing you have to

have an awkward conversation with your landlord is really difficult because it's your home, right? And

tenants are often emotional about their home. Understandably? But here's the trick, and here's the whole

nugget of this whole podcast about awkward conversations. Ready? Here it is. The power in

awkward conversations is speaking in facts. Speaking in facts. We'll talk about what that is and how you

can do it with minimal emotion when you speak in facts. Okay, so this week's episode, your three points.

I'm going to give you the three points, and then we're going to talk more about them. So we're going to

talk about, as a tenant, what on earth would you have an awkward conversation with your landlord

about? Talk about the approach of having this conversation, whether it's a one time event, one time thing

that has happened that you've got to have this awkward conversation, or if there's something that's

ongoing that you've got to have an awkward conversation about. So the approach to that, to actually

having this awkward conversation. Okay, point number three. At some point, there will be a breaking

point where you can't stand it anymore. Something's got to give. You must have this awkward

conversation with your landlord. You've got to get it out, and you just sort of spill your guts. So that's

today's podcast is, what are you going to have your awkward conversation about? What what kind of

approach are you going to have about it? What should you do to prepare for the awkward conversation?

And then at the breaking point, what do you talk about? And how do you do all of this while speaking in

facts? Mike and I say this literally every day. Speak in facts, remove emotion, remove the drama and

gossip. Speak in facts. That's how you're going to get through an awkward conversation. And we will talk

about awkward conversations a lot more because I am the queen of awkward conversations. In fact, I

think we should put that on my business card. All right, let's get into it. Point number one what would

your awkward conversation be when you are a tenant needing to talk about something awkward with

your landlord? Typically, an awkward conversation can arise when something is not written down. It is

not in your lease. Maybe you've had a change in life. Your job is transferring you, and you have to cut

your lease short. You need to add a pet, or you've got custody of your son. Now you need to add another

being. How does that work? Or even better, maybe a neighbor or another tenant nearby, another tenant

within, say, a fourplex or something, is misbehaving. Then what? Right? So you could have an awkward

conversation, literally about anything. But if it grows, then it gets even more awkward. And most of the

time, if you haven't told your landlord about this, then they have no idea this is even going on. And then

it's awkward for you, so it's growing in your mind as the tenant. Right. Okay, so that's the first thing is

what could your awkward conversation be about? Literally anything is the answer. All right. Number

two, the approach to the awkward conversation. Now, we're going to talk about two ways that this could

happen. If it's a one time event, something has shifted in your life as a one time event, or if this is an

ongoing event, like something is annoying you every single day, or often enough that 1s it's starting to

annoy you. Okay, so let's talk about it. Now, you can text the landlord, you can email the landlord, but I

encourage you to CC yourself if you're going to do that. Obviously, if you text it, do a screenshot. If

you're going to email CC yourself, you can call the land landlord or the property management company.

That can make it even more awkward. But sometimes you just got to do it. Pick up the phone, unplug

your emotions, unplug your anxiety. Pick up the phone and say, look, this happened. And if it's a one

time event, you explain the event in facts. And then what your request is. And so, again, awkward

conversations. The power is in speaking. In fact, talk to your landlord and say, my daughter lost her job

and she and her two kids are now staying with me. How do I add her and her two kids to the lease? So

this is a change. And the answer may be you can't, you can't add her to the lease, but until you actually

throw that out out there, you won't know. Another one time event could be, my job is transferring me.

I just got notice yesterday. I'm leaving in a week. What do we do as a tenant, this is very difficult. And 1s

I've actually encouraged my tenants in the past if they have some kind of question about anything, the

lease, the Residential Tenancy Act, whatever it may be, the Tenancy Landlord Code, let's talk about it. I

would rather air any awkward conversations and educate them than to have them a very anxiety filled

time. So let's say the job has transferred and you're leaving next week. So you're going to cut your lease

short. Now, in your lease, it should have early termination fees, early termination 1s consequences, and

saying, okay, if you're going to cut your lease short, then you forfeit your deposits, for example, or you

have to pay rent up until I can get it rented. There's got to be some provision in the lease if you exit the

lease early. If it is not in the lease, it's going to get even more awkward. So now you've got to go back to

your local housing code, your Tenancy Act, whatever it is, and look at early termination and look at what

is the protocol for deposits, let's say. And what can you do? Now, hopefully that isn't the case, but

sometimes landlords get themselves in a pickle and then of course, life happens with tenants, it happens.

So what do you do? So that's another one time event, another interesting, awkward event that has

happened. And this has actually happened to me. 1s The neighbor's dog just attacked and injured my dog.

In fact, we also had an incident where another tenant's dog attacked and bit the child of another tenant.

That was really awful. So you've got this onetime event, if it is safety based, like the dog biting, you have

to call. Like, you have to call that. There's just you can't not call. And actually, the tenant's dog bit the

other tenant's child. Both of the tenants showed up on my doorstep, and both of them were just forlorn

and white as a ghost. And I looked at both of them, went, okay, something major has just happened.

What's up? And they explain what happened. I said, okay, this is what we got to do. And so I actually

called a local vet and said, how do I even approach this? What do I do? And so we ended up calling

animal control. They did not end up putting the dog down. There was a couple of rehab things, but if we

hadn't done what we've done, they very likely would have had to put the dog down, but they didn't. So

anyway, talk about awkward conversations. One time event, unforeseen. But you've got to explain the

event. In fact, then if you've got a camera that can see what's going on, that's even better. But the fact is,

my job transferred me. I have to leave on this day. How do we recover from this? I know I owe you some

money, or you take my deposits, or the lease says this, this, and this. What do we do? And that's. Notice

what I just said. There's no emotion in it. Jobs transferred. I have to leave. And even though you might be

shaking inside, and often as a landlord, I'm shaking inside too. You've got to just speak in facts. Okay?

So that's the first thing. If you've got a one time event going on, something has happened, and you're

shifted. But what about an ongoing event? So, for example, you've got the neighbor is parking in my

parking spot all the time. My designated parking spot is this. They're constantly parking in it. Or the

tenant upstairs is playing video games at all times of the day and night, shakes the building. They're jumping

up and down. I'm trying to sleep. I have to get up early for work. What do you do? Well, as a tenant,

you need to start keeping a record. You need to start keeping a record of the disturbances, the date and

time. And I just want to remind you too, if you ever don't feel safe, like if you're ever concerned about

your safety with one of these events that's going on, that's going to end up with an awkward conversation

with your landlord, you need to call the police. Don't call the landlord. Call the police. Okay. Because if

it's a safety issue and you feel not secure, that is not a landlord issue. That is a citizenship issue, which is

the police. Okay? I want to be clear about that. But if it's an ongoing event and it's not a safety issue, like

the neighbor is parking in my spot, and let's say you've told the landlord, let's say you've texted the

landlord, you've texted the landlord pictures of this car in your spot, then you need to keep a record. And

you can tell the landlord, but the power is in the record keeping. I mean, anybody that has been around

me at all knows I keep meticulous notes. That's my analytical brain. I keep meticulous notes. And so

when I speak, in fact, I can say, on this day, you emailed me this. On this day, I took a picture of this, and

it's fact, fact. And then I go, option one. Option two, you choose because I don't care, but you choose

which is going to work. Either smarten up or you need to depart. That's usually my two options. But if it's

an ongoing event that is annoying you as a tenant, your landlord is not doing anything. They're just sort

of blowing you off. They're just going, okay, that neighbor can can park in your spot. I don't care. You

guys work it out. Or the tenant upstairs is jumping up and down and basically having a party and you're

trying to sleep every night, whatever. At some point, there is going to be a breaking point where

you've had it like, it's enough, I'm done. The breaking point. You need to check your local housing code

about proper notice to your landlord about disturbances and quiet enjoyment. These are all keys. If you

have not listened to the podcast called Tenant Terminology, I kind encourage you to listen to that

podcast. But let's say there's a repair that your landlord is refusing to do this repair, whatever it may

be. In Hawaii, for example, in the landlord tenant code in Hawaii is if you give two written notices to

your landlord, let's say you mail them the written notices, like a letter, even if it's a handwritten letter,

make a copy of it, mail it, and then the landlord has ten days to correct it, right? Ten days. And you can

get estimates. You can send the estimates to the landlord and say, if this is what I've got a contractor to

come out to fix this, whatever it is. And if the landlord does not act as a tenant in Hawaii specifically,

your area may very well be different. So just check your local tenancy code. But in Hawaii, if you get the

estimates, you do the repair, you pay the invoices and you have proof of all of that, you can legally

deduct it from the rent. So if Hawai landlords are not doing repairs, for example, it could result in a

deducted rent. But you've got to give proper notice as a tenant. You've got to give proper notice to the

landlord. Hey, you've got to have I need help with these repairs. 1s So this may result. You may just say,

you know what? This is crazy. I'm not living in this landlord's house anymore. They're not listening. This

this neighbor is parking in my parking spot. Here is proof of this. And you send a summary if that's

happening. Send a summary and say, I reported this to you on this day. I took a picture of the the

neighbor parking this day. I put a note on the neighbor's car. This day, you've done nothing. Here's my

notice to depart. I'm leaving. I've had enough of this ridiculousness. And if you're going to break a lease

because the landlords failed to do something, there is reason that you had reason to leave because the

landlord was failing on you. But again, when you are providing all of these items and you get to your

breaking point, whether it's a one time event or an ongoing event, when you get to your breaking point,

the key is speaking in facts. Don't talk about emotion. Oh, my gosh, I can't carry my groceries in because

I can't get to my parking spot and it's hard on my back. And I can't do no, I reported it to you on this day.

Then I texted you a picture on this day, and this happened, and you failed to do anything. Here is my

official notice to depart. I will be clear of the unit honor before this day. And that is hard to do because

everything is full of emotion. As a tenant, this is your home. You want the landlord to fix this. And if the

landlord either can't or won't, that is the very definition of an awkward conversation. And so you've got

to prepare yourself with a bunch of facts. And the way you do that is good record keeping and knowing

your local tenancy, act like, okay, now, awkward conversations is something that most people shy

away from. I don't. I like to have awkward conversations aired as quickly and as often as possible

because once you air them, you almost feel better. It's like, okay, now I can exhale because I know I've

told my landlord that I'm being transferred, my job's being transferred. I have to leave. I can't avoid it. At

least I know the consequences at this point, right? And then if that's the case where your job is getting

transferred, you could potentially take whatever consequences, monetary consequences, back to your

company and say, oh, by the way, here was all the fees I had to pay because I broke my lease. Right?

Your company may be on the hook to pay those. For example, just letting you know that when you have

awkward conversations, the power isn't speaking in facts. And how we do that, we're going to talk a lot

more about that in the future, I guarantee it. As we come to the end of this week's episode, here's your

call to action as a tenant. Do you have a log or a journal or something for your rental? Where is your

lease for your rental? Do you have a notebook where everything is kept? Or is it just sort of thrown into a

drawer or a shoebox? If that's the case, when you have awkward items start to annoy you, you need to

start keeping a record of somewhere, even if it's on the back of an envelope. You need to start writing

stuff down. That is my call to action for you. You must be able to have some kind of a written record.

When or if something starts to go sideways, resulting in an awkward conversation, you must have it

written down. That's how you speak in facts, is that you have it written down. All right, date, time,

whatever it was, you've got to do that. That's your call to action. As we come to the end of this week's

episode, let me know your thoughts on this whole topic in our Facebook group. Maybe I missed

something. Maybe. I'm sure there's lots of other awkward conversations going on out there, and you very

likely have a story to share as a tenant. Maybe your landlord fell down. Maybe you've got an incredible

story on how your landlord you had an awkward conversation. Your landlord smartened up and they

fixed everything you wanted to be fixed. And honestly, maybe they were not paying attention. And

finally, when you got to your breaking point, it was enough that the landlord woke up and realized that

they needed to act. Whatever your story may be, let me know. Let me know. Maybe I need to do some

more awkward conversation topics. We'll see. Remember, I do take new podcast episode ideas from

comments and questions. And next week's topic is real estate development. And we will be talking about

how do you finance your builds. Sounds like fun. We'll see you there.

Thank you for joining us this week. To view the complete show notes and all the links mentioned in today's

episode, visit our website at www.mylifeasalandlord.com if you're looking for educational resources for getting into real estate

investing, becoming a landlord, or even a better tenant, then I have a page on my website to get you

started looking for a solution to the pickle that you're in. I have suggestions for that too. You can throw

your situation on my Facebook group, My Life is a Landlord, and let our community help you with

solutions. Also, before you go, make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive new episodes

right when they're released. You can either subscribe right now in the app you're listening to this podcast

on, or you can sign up at www.mylifeasalandlord.com. Thank you again for joining me, Dr.

Jennifer Salisbury, in this episode of My Life as a Landlord. I'll see you next time.